Just A Fake.

I'm afraid that sometimes I try to be something that I'm not.

I catch myself saying "Oh, I want to do that like [insert name here]" and it makes me sad.

And question.

It's like in The Magician's Nephew:

"...'Of course it can't really have been singing,' he thought, 'I must have imagined it. I've been letting my nerves get out of order. Who ever heard of a lion singing? And the longer and more beautiful the Lion sang, the harder Uncle Andrew tried to make himself believe that he could hear nothing but roaring. Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. Uncle Andrew did. He soon did hear nothing but roaring in Aslan's song. Soon he couldn't have heard anything else even if he had wanted to."

Uncle Andrew was so convinced that the Lion was roaring that, even though Aslan was singing, eventually all Uncle Andrew heard was roaring. I feel like we can be compared to Uncle Andrew when we try to be anything but ourselves. We get so caught up in the acts that we forget what's real and what's not.

In high school, that was me. I'm a new person now, and I don't think I do it anymore, but I get nervous that, because I spent so much time trying to be all of these other people for so long, maybe I am still putting on an act. I'm afraid that I'm like Uncle Andrew and I don't know the difference anymore.

I need to figure out who I'm supposed to be.

All I can do is pray about it and really ask God who I am, because in the end, he's the only person that knows.

I feel like I'm on the right track.

Let's hope I'm right.