Food for Thought

I have this on-going problem with someone who should be near and dear to my heart. There's this, eh, tension between us, and it's a roller coaster of battles and arguments and, ultimately, stress.

It's caused me to be unhappy at home (unless I'm by myself in my room). I hate feeling miserable at home, and I don't feel that it's fair to my family either, but I just can't help but feel that way.

It's this never ending cause and effect type of situation, and I always try to go back to the beginning. Why can't I be home without being in a somber mood? Why do these arguments continue to happen and why do they always start from nothing? I have plenty of theories on how this started and why we have this tension, but what I didn't realize was that the original cause wasn't the answer I should have been seeking...

Last night, on a car ride with a great friend, I was reminded that prayer was the answer I should have been looking for. I can try to theorize all I want, but ultimately, I need to seek God for help. He doesn't want to see me broken, sad or anything else but happy, and if I'm willing to ask, He will help me. Even if I feel like I can't show genuine love to someone at the moment, I can ask God to show His love for the person through me and God will provide.

So that got me thinking, and praying, and I can honestly say I already feel better! I can't believe it took me so long to realize that all I needed was to pray about it. I prayed for the ability to show compassion and love to my mom, and, even if I don't feel like I can at the moment, I prayed that he will show His love for her through me. I'm relying on him to mend this relationship. This process is not going to be solved soon, and that's okay, but as long as I feel that I'm being fair when things are going well between us, then I can rest easily.

So think about this...

God tells us to pray for our enemies, and although 'enemy' is extreme for my situation, it suits our everyday lives. We have enemies, and God wants us to pray for them because He knows how big of a deal it is for us to rise above and actually wish great things for our enemies. Because God sees the effort put in by us, it causes us to be closer to the person God wants us to be, and He will reward us greatly.

Next time you are around people you don't particularly get along with (which happens more often than we like to admit), I urge you to pray about the person, and ask God to show His love for that person through you, and you'd be surprised at how easy it is for you to converse and surround yourself with people who you would consider to be your enemies.

*Special thanks to Kristen Katchadourian for helping me see all of this, and helping jump start the healing process between my mom and I.