Greece Pt. 2-Surrendering to God

Ever since I became a Christian, I knew that I wanted to have an active faith. It didn't necessarily kick in right away, but deep down I knew that I never wanted to be "lukewarm" in my faith. I read the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, about a year after I accepted Christ and it motivated me to live the active faith I had always known I wanted to have. Unfortunately, having an active faith isn't easy at all, and sometimes I get so caught up in my daily schedules that I push it to the side.

Even from the plane ride to Chicago, it became apparent to me just how much I had neglected Jesus in the months prior to project and I wasn't okay with that. I wanted to make sure I reconnected with the Lord and started making Him my priority. It slowly was becoming clear just how much I needed to surrender to God every single morning when I woke up, and live by the Spirit in everything I did that summer, and once I got home as well.

This was a discipline I prayed earnestly to have. I wanted to follow God. I wanted Him to strip me of my idols and my desire to do everything on my own. I wanted to trust in Him, and rely solely on Him and His promises.

...Even if it meant that the man I thought I was going to marry, was suddenly not that any more. That God currently has two completely different paths for us, and though it changed nothing about the way we felt for one another, we couldn't stay together because we'd be holding each other back from our real God-given hopes and desires.

...Even if it meant that a week and a half after returning back to America, I would make the decision to pack up and move half-way across the country to follow God. To grow with Him in a less-comfortable environment, with little to no familiarity. To leave the great life I have here, trusting that something equally as great is waiting for me in Missouri.

...Even if it meant that I was going to have to rely on God for absolutely everything in my life. That my "daily bread" would only be provided by Him. That He'd be paving a way for a job in Missouri. That He was going to show up in His timing and not my own financially.

Surrendering to God has been so incredibly difficult and has caused a roller coaster of emotions over the last 8 (or so) weeks. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel during huge changes that don't leave a warm fuzzy feeling right away. But this is the life that God called me to live, and He never promised it would be easy. He did promise to love me and never forsake me, which means that something great will come out of all of this. It may not be what I would have planned/wanted, but God is so much bigger and will give me exactly what I need.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 -Jeremiah 29:11

crazy decision of the year award goes to...

ME.

As of a few hours ago, I made the decision to move to Kansas City, Missouri.
Yes, you did read that correctly.. Kansas City, Missouri.

Here's how it happened...

While in Greece I decided that I was interested in moving to Missouri one day and going to Mizzou. Why Mizzou? I mean, once I get my associate's this year I'll be free to go anywhere. Honestly, my reasons are good reasons to go to ANY school: 1. I want a real college experience. 2. I want to get involved with a CRU.. The only thing is that I have friends at Mizzou (and a lot more near there). When we were in Greece, we had a message on "calling." God calls us to follow Him, love others, etc. As far as I know, as long as I'm following God and glorifying His kingdom, He doesn't care where I'm going or what I'm doing. With that being said, the better question is why NOT, Mizzou? (My KU friends have answers to that but that's neither here nor there :) )

So I'm contemplating Mizzou, but don't want to pay out-of-state tuition, so I figure I can move there, live for a year, get residency, then go to school. I figured this would happen probably this time next year.

Well, I get home from Greece and notice a friend in Kansas City needs a roommate. In my head I'm thinking how awesome it would be to move there and be that roommate but there's no way in heck that it would work out! NO. WAY.

I bring it up to a few people (as a joke), and all of a sudden they're being super encouraging of the idea and making me feel like less of a crazy person and more like this is an actual opportunity for me.

I mean, what do I have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is I hate it and move back (I've been told that it's impossible to hate Missouri so apparently I'm good).

So I start praying. And talking to more people. And praying some more. Then some more. And then some more.

And doors start opening up. And people are being REALLY supportive.

Like, is this really happening? Am I really about to move halfway across the country?

I'm walking with the Lord, and I don't see Him shutting any doors so maybe I should take this step of faith and trust that it's going to work out.

So yes, this is happening.

I am so scared/overwhelmed to do this, but so excited to start this new journey! I know it's going to be really tough to pull all of this off in such a short amount of time and to start a new life in a new place outside of California, but I have to believe that God is bigger than all of this and that He's going to take care of me.

So if you're reading this and you would like to pray for me, PLEASE DO! I'm going to need all of the prayers I can get.

1. Finances! I have a good amount of money to get in a short amount of time. Please pray that they come in.

2. Job! I'm going to need a job almost immediately after I move. Please pray that I can start searching before I leave, and that God will be paving a way for me to get a job asap.

3. Doubt! It's going to be a hard few weeks before I leave and I don't want to be consumed with any doubt. It's easy to believe that something won't work out when it's this huge and it requires this much faith. Please pray that I'll continue to trust in God and know that if I'm supposed to be there, I'll be there!

4. Life here in Fresno. I have a really great life here in Fresno and I'm going to miss everyone so much. That being said, I'm not leaving, I'm following God.

And anything else you see fit to pray for! I'm so thankful that I have this opportunity and so blessed that God is showing His love through all of the support I'm already receiving in words, prayer, and help!

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Greece pt. 1-Control

I'm commonly asked what the most important thing that I learned in Greece was. That's an extremely hard question for me to answer because I learned SO STINKIN MUCH! I went into the trip knowing God was going to rock my world and change me, but I had no idea what the extent of that would be.

One very common theme during my trip, though, would have to be control! Ahhh. Almost every single thing that God showed me this summer had some kind of underlying control issue within it.

What I learned about control in Greece:

1. I idolize relationships. I realized this in multiple relationships and multiple ways. In one way, I care too much about how certain people will react to things or I let the things they say get to me. In another way, I get too consumed with the relationships and rely on myself to make them go a certain way.

Either way, I'm putting the relationships above God, and at some points I'm trying to be God myself. That's alarming. I can't control how people react to me. I can't control how people feel about me. I can't control/change peoples' hearts or minds. I CAN'T CONTROL PEOPLE.

2. I want my life to go the way I want it to go. I remember when I was really sick, I felt so incredibly hopeless. I just kept thinking, "There's nothing I can do right now." That was really, really hard for me. I didn't like that I couldn't become healthy on my own. I didn't like that I wasn't able to eat most foods (at some points no food at all). Like I said in a previous post, I had some really great God time during that week of hell, because I was learning that I had to truly trust in Him and give Him control over everything... including my sickness.

3. Life is so much better when I give it over to God. After becoming a Christian I always knew I wanted the passionate, spontaneous, surrendering relationship with God but up until Greece I had taken most of the control back into my own hands (obviously not completely because I definitely didn't get to Greece on my own). While I was in Greece I was quickly reminded how much more satisfying life is when I give it over to the Lord. Lots of things have changed/are changing in my life right now, but by walking with the Lord and surrendering to Him every single day I have no reason to fear... for He is with me.

I am home!

So I got home from Greece and back into Clovis early Saturday morning (1 am) and have been suffering from jet-lag the last 2 nights (which is why I'm awake at 4 am)

I realized that I haven't blogged since the beginning of June and that was when I was still sick. That was a horrible week. Thankfully I received a lot of encouragement from my team and from my God. It was a battle that had already been won by God (common theme of the trip actually) and I just had to get through it. 

The trip was absolutely life-changing. I learned an unreal amount of things about myself, my relationships with people, God, missions, etc. There are so many different things that I really want to blog about in regards to my trip so I've decided that I will split it up. 

Not sure how it's going to be broken up right now. I'm extremely jumbled in my mind and just tried to type about re-entry for an hour and got no where.

Hopefully I can come up with things to say soon 

Being Sick in Greece

*WARNING* This post might come off somewhat like a rant and complaining post, which it kind of is, but hey you wanted to know about Greece!

Okay, so it's Monday night. My team is currently out to dinner while I sit in my room and try not to get sick. My sickness is playing mind tricks with me because it makes me believe I'm better so I eat and... BAM! Can't keep it down.

Let's go back and look at what my almost-week of sickness has been like

Tuesday night I felt super nauseous and like I was going to faint so I went to bed fairly early.

Wednesday morning I wake up feeling the same only add a murderous headache that makes my eyes hurts. I don't like to believe I'm sick so I go to the Steki for development time and, though I'm still feeling kind of iffy, I head for campus around 1pm. We get there and walk around, have a conversation and I am just SILENT (which is not normal). I feel horrible so I decide I'm going to go back to the hostel (and miss coffee time. Grrrrr...) and rest for the day. The way back to the hostel was an adventure in and of itself because I couldn't breath. Ah, yes, the feeling of an elephant on your chest and that your airways are slowly starting to close off on you while you stand in a crowded bus in a foreign country where you are very afraid you might be the only one who knows CPR (which obviously won't come in handy since I can't perform it on myself). But I made it to the hostel! You'd think "fun" time is over, but then, like Hell itself, came the fever of all fevers. I mean, really? I haven't had a fever like this in I don't even know how long. I slept off and on all day until the group came back, took some Tylenol PM and then I was out!

Woke up Thursday feeling like ca-ca and stayed home all day. Slept half the day, struggled with fevers even worse than the day before, and somehow managed to walk down the street in my feverish state and buy a Powerade (wasn't cute but I wasn't about to care). Finally started to feel decent and was so hungry by the time everyone else got back that I went to dinner with them all. That was a mistake because (surprise, surprise) it made me sick

Friday-Saturday I was supposed to go to a camp owned by an organization we periodically help out down here and help them prepare for the coming months of campers and camps being put on. While my team left at 8am, I said good bye from my bed as I was still too sick to move. This was getting ridiculous. When I finally got the strength to move, I walked to my director's room to tell her I had stayed and about 5 minutes into our conversation I quickly made my way to her bathroom to well, as I most commonly hear around here, up-chuck. That was lovely. So up until Saturday afternoon was just a bunch of waiting to be sick, getting sick, wanting to die from my headaches, breakdowns, and trash MTV Greece. (At least my fevers were gone)

But by Saturday night I actually ate food.. And kept it down. It wasn't much, but I had kept it DOWN!

Sunday and today have been back and forth for me. My headaches are subsiding and I'm actually craving food again. But, if I eat anything that isn't easy to digest (which I obviously keep making mistakes) it comes right back up. I

I'm pretty much at the point where I just want to eat whatever because at least I'll enjoy it! That obviously won't happen, but really. We had McDonalds last night, and I was DYING for a Big Mac (Instead I had apples.. And sprite)

So physically I'm not doing my best, but I'm moving around! I even survived the hike to and from the Acropolis this morning! It was absolutely beautiful and I am so happy I went!

Emotionally it's been a hard week too. I mean, I've been sick! In a foreign country. And none of it makes sense. And I don't know when it's finally going to end. And I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

BUT! (And this is really why this post even matters) I have had some awesome time with God. Not just alone time while reading my Bible, but this week has honestly been something I've never had to deal with and it's put me at my lowest here. But learning how to praise God, and worship God through all of this has been really kind of cool. Knowing that I just have to endure through this, has been such a wonderful experience (though seemingly terrible at times).

I don't know! I'm still just all about the whole "God is good!" thing that I keep talking about. :)

Off to movie night where I will not be touching food!

1st Week in Athens!

Unfortunately, I think I'm coming down with something so I'm not currently feeling up to par, but it's been over a week since I've blogged and I've been in Athens for a week now so I figured it's time for some updates!

By the way, due to my lack-of updates, this will be somewhat scattered and long. Bear (bare?) with me. I'm hoping to blog more in the future so those will make more sense...Maybe

So what has living in Athens been like you ask? I shall tell you in a list!

1. We traveled, and traveled, and traveled some more until we got here last Tuesday around 2:30pm Athens time. Flying 3 times in 3 days was no easy task for this girl who's only plane experience was flying to Dallas in high school. Jet lag kicked in right around my flight from Germany to Athens because I couldn't fall asleep on the 8 hour flight from Chicago to Germany. But, I thankfully made it until 9pm Athens time so I didn't really suffer from real jet lag.

2. We've done a lot of exploring! Heck, we constantly explore the city. Athens is huge, and every time I think I've figured something out, I quickly get confused and am reminded I have no idea what I'm doing and am so thankful for the fact that almost everyone else does.

Side note: I'm almost confident that I know how to work public transportation but I'm not 100% sure.

3. Mars Hill is super close to our hostel and we've been there three times. Wondering what Mars Hill is? Apostle Paul SPOKE there. Read Acts 17. The first time we were there was daytime and one of the STINTers (long-term missionaries/people in charge of us) gave a devo on Acts 17 while we were up there. It's so amazing, to me, that so much from the Bible actually happened here!

The other two times we were there were at night and we had sketchy/weird (don't freak out mom) experiences there BOTH TIMES. Thank God for giving us men that actually enjoy hanging out with all of us girls after dark and help keep us safe. Lol

4. The food is fabulous. There has only been one meal I haven't liked and that was when I decided to get a "Boston Burger." Everything Greek is delicious and I'm officially addicted to Gyros.

5. We went to the beach on Saturday and it was so much fun!! I got unbearably sunburned from it, but swimming in the Mediterranean Sea was well worth it (depending on how much longer I'm in sunburn pain). I'd also like to add that the Mediterranean has zero sharks and/or seaweed which makes me love it when I'm not accidentally swallowing the crazy salty water.

6. We started going on campus yesterday! I have a great group of teammates and I'm feeling very blessed to have them with me. It's a great experience to meet Greek students and struggle with understanding each other's languages while really engaging in each other. It's been super outside of my comfort zone, but I'm proud to say that not only have I initiated conversations but I have participated as well!

7. The love I feel for my GPI team (the people on project with me) is unreal! I have only physically known these people for 10 days but it feels like I've known them for so much longer! They are so willing to be vulnerable with me, as well as let me be vulnerable with them and I'm just so appreciative of that. I'm so proud to call each and every one of them my friends. They will forever be my Cru region, and we're already talking about flying me out to Colorado for DCC (their winter conference) and keeping me a part of the group!

8. We got the chance to help out with Hellenic Ministries last night and will have one more opportunity in a couple weeks. Hellenic Ministries is an organization that gives food, showers, laundry, etc to refugees coming from all over the place that are just stuck here in Greece waiting to make their next move. The organization shares the Gospel and hold camps for these refugees as well. We were fortunate enough to serve what they call Love Meals to refugees and it was such a great experience. It really put a lot into perspective for me.

One of my favorite moments had to be when I was chosen to go clean the bathrooms. I was mortified. I had actually remembered hearing them say the other group had to do it and snickering to myself because I was so happy I didn't have to. (ha.) Well, the man who assigned the job to me was joking about me being blessed for cleaning the bathrooms and another told me that God was in there with me so I started telling myself, "you need to thank God for giving you this opportunity to clean toilets right now." It didn't take long before I truly was thanking and praising God for giving me the PRIVILEGE of doing this for these refugees who so badly needed to be served.

I think that's about it for my first week in Athens.

God is really working in my life here and I'm feeling so incredibly grateful for the group He's brought me here with, the love and relationship He's showing me and helping me build with Him, and the things He's doing here in Athens.

I know I keep saying this, but people, God is good!

this trip has officially begun!

Summer Project is here! It's begun! And to be honest, it's already been kind of a roller coaster of emotions for me.

I got into Chicago (where I'm currently residing) around 12:30 central time yesterday, but an important part of my story starts before that..

My flight was scheduled for 6:45am PST and I was ready. Had a small ripped pants mishap (yep. It happened. Right in the front), but I was good to go! Saying good bye to Tommy was awful, of course, but I knew that one was coming. I made my way through security and found a familiar green coffee shop to get some breakfast. I sat down at my gate, ate my banana, sent Tommy a goofy picture of me drinking my iced coffee and waited to board.

Then it hits me. Holy crap, if I get on this plane I can't chicken out. This isn't some spontaneous idea anymore. This is happening.

I can't do this.

Cue waterworks and phone call to Tommy.

After some consoling, I got on that plane and made it but then I got here and met all of my teammates (wonderful people, by the way) and it starts hitting me again.

Oh my gosh I can't chicken out now. I can't go home for 6 weeks!! Why am I here? Why am I doing this?

I can't do it.

I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown. The enemy keeps trying to put thoughts in my mind and get me to think that God's will (me going to Greece) is a bad idea. I read a verse on the plane yesterday and am so glad I wrote it in my journal because it's already come in handy so much for me on this trip

"In love there is no room for fear, but perfect love drives out fear: because fear implies punishment, and no one who is afraid has come to perfection in love." 1 John 4:18

I mean, come on! I'm following God's will for my life! And no matter how great it would feel to be at home, in the safety and comfort of my little Clovis bubble, I have no reason to be afraid! I may not be able to do this myself, but through Christ, I CAN and I WILL!

Today was a much better day. It's been so much easier to see how perfect God's will is, and how beautifully He orchestrated not only my journey here, but of my teammates as well. The only words I can think of to say is that God is good.

I am encouraged by my new friends here on this journey to Athens with me, I am encouraged by my support back home, and I am encouraged by God's love and His ability to cast out all fear in my heart and by His complete power over the enemy.

The trip has begun, and I think I'm finally beginning to consistently feel a bit more positive about it.

But everything is good! And it's gonna get greater! I'm so excited for what this summer holds for me, the people I meet, the people I have met, and for those waiting for me in Clovis.

Please pray that I continue to fight the attacks, and that I grow more confident in my obedience to the Lord.

xo

P.S I probably won't blog for a few days because I'm in for a lot of traveling/jet lag fighting tomorrow and Tuesday. Should be fun :)