Haunting

My mind likes to fill with clutter.. LOTS of clutter.
But Lately, this clutter seems to blur with random thoughts of my past.
No, not the past that's usually spoken of, but the past passion I had...
Doing ANYTHING to become a doctor

I constantly find myself filled with so many emotions about medicine, and it just recently began.

Even now, I'm having trouble coming up with ways to put this feeling into words.

But over the past couple of months, I've had this random yearning to be back in the world of medicine. And yes, I will admit that everytime I look at Derek Shepherd, I can't help but be jealous that he is a neurosurgeon. Almost a year ago I went through this; weighing out the pros and cons to medicine, and realizing I didn't have the drive to put that much effort into it. I don't know why I'm doing it again, but it's haunting me.

I can't tell if this is just a phase, or if I really am supposed to do this with my life, but while I pray about it, and let it 'simmer,' time will tell just what this means.

Let's just say that I'm very lucky I still have general ed to finish and have the time to explore different options.

Ain't It A Glorious Day?

"Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert 
Gentlemen like you are few 
Though your just a diamond in the rough, Bert 
Underneath your blood is blue.  
You'd never think of pressing your advantage 
For bearance is the hallmark of your creed 
A lady needn't fear, when you are near 
Your sweet gentility is crystal clear. 
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert 
A jolly, jolly holiday with you."

Time Together Isn't Ever Quite Enough

Today, I found out we got the house we applied for.

Great.

I know I should be excited, I really should be, but I'm so in love with the house I live in now that I just don't want to move.

The house I'm typing this blog in symbolizes my new life. We got the keys on October 30th 2009, and that was the same night I met my first batch of CCFers. It was the first night I began turning my life around.

This house has so many memories in the small time we lived in it.

Gah, it's just so... perfect.

I know, I know, I know... This is better. It's less expensive meaning less stress will be put on my dad, and it will be an overall happier place.

But I don't want to leave this place. This is my home.

Moving date: Nov. 5th

Better start saying goodbye :(

Ahhhhhh!

My life feels so cluttered and out of control right now!!

Before I get into that, my birthday was absolutely amazing! I can't even begin to explain how happy I was that day. I was surrounded by wonderful people, both family and friends, and even though I didn't have a party or anything too birthday-like, I had so much fun!

Highlight: 10 PM run around Clark/The MET with Rae, the Michaels, Austin, Stephen, and Jordan. (Also, seeing Robby, Ry T., and Ryan afterward of course :) ).

Lowlight: My birthday present from the world (because I'm not quite sure if mother nature is in charge of sicknesses?) was getting sick. Bleh. The worst part? I'm getting more sick as every day passes!! So frustrating. It wasn't too bad until I went to SLO this weekend. Now I'm back, and miserable. It is my fault, though, because I'm too stubborn to get any rest. But still, awful timing!! :(

So now my life full of clutter...

1. Sick

2. Fraud... For the second time

3. My room is a mess

4. Going to Disneyland this weekend

5. Not getting many hours at work, yet still feeling like I'm working too much

6. My TiVO is full!! (Okay, not a big deal, but if you have ever had a full TiVO, you know how I feel)

7. Unbelievably large amounts of dirty laundry

8. No 'me' time lately (I need lots of quiet time)

To be honest, typing it all out probably isn't doing it justice to how crazy my head feels.

Some of these are very small, but they all seem to tie into each other in some way.

Fraud+Account frozen+No money+Disneyland this weekend+Lack of hours becoming a bad thing= STRESS

Sick+Laundry piling up+Not being able to clean room+Full TiVO+No quiet time=CLUTTER

I feel like this will pass when my cold does, but I can't help but stress about the craziness I call my life.

Tayler. Stop, and breathe. One thing at a time.

First up, GET BETTER!!

(Maybe get rid of this fraud crap in the process)

*Side note: I like working the amount of hours I work a week. It's caused me to have more time for things, but with me being sick, it just doesn't seem like that at the moment.

Just Another Birthday?

There once was a little girl who absolutely adored her birthday. She had always been younger than most of the kids her age, so she treated her birthday as a celebration of FINALLY catching up with the other kids. She turned 13 on a Tuesday in 8th grade. As the school day progressed, she realized everyone forgot her birthday.. There was no one to celebrate this catch-up with her... Not even the girls who she thought were her best friends.

That little girl was me.

If you've always wondered why I get excited about my birthdays, and talk about it for weeks in advance, that story above is why. I don't do it for attention (as much as I may like the attention given), I do it because of the pain that Tuesday caused. Eighth grade was a year full of brokenness and confusion, and the forgotten birthday was just the beginning.

I don't explain this story for you to feel sorry for me, my only request is that you just humor me as my birthday approaches, because underneath all of this "excitement" is actually the fear that it will be just another birthday where I'm the only one who remembers.

I [finally] turn 19 in two days, and I already feel like my birthday has been a celebration. Blessed doesn't even begin to explain how I feel.

Thank you SO much God for the kindness you provide my life with day after day.

My Day Off.

I told myself that I wouldn't get out of PJ's today (granted my pajamas consist of sweat pants, a white t shirt, and a zip up). I did all of the things I was supposed to do today in the same clothes I slept in last night. Success.

But, I'm resorting to putting on jeans for junior high group, and tea with Stephanie afterward.

I'm still leaving the shirt and zip up on though, so it still counts, right?

Much needed day off from work.

Great day :)