Back to Reality

I got back from Mexico on Friday evening, but have been running NONSTOP since I got home. I feel like I haven't had time for anything..

All I want to do is rest, and blog about the trip!

Hopefully I'll be able to blog about the amazing time I had before I leave town again on Thursday.

But, of course, I can't guarantee that I will because I have to work, clean, do laundry, pack again, and deal with reality. Working isn't a big deal because I'm so blessed to have the job that I have, and it's also poses as a distraction with all of the conflict I've been having since I got home.

Conflicts: Home life, friend life, and love life (or I guess what I thought was a love life).

I'm really nervous that because of these problems, I'll leave all of the growth I made with the Lord in Mexico and I'll focus on earthly things again.

I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that I still want to be in Mexico, but with everything going on:

Take me back to Mexico please.

7 Days!

Yesterday, I got a tetanus shot... My arm is very sore.

It did kind of hit me, though, that this time next week I WILL BE IN MEXICO!! Oh my goodness, I can't even begin to explain how excited I am! Not only will I be serving the Lord and growing closer in my walk with God, but I will be experiencing all of this with some of my best friends! It's going to be so amazing! I cannot wait! I am nervous for the trip, only because I'm afraid of many things, and those fears will be put to the test. Also, I know how exhausting, and trying it will be. However, I know that I have God on my side, and He'll keep me safe.

I need to start getting in the mindset for this trip, and of course packing! Ahhh so much to do!

:)

A Few Years Too Late?

Remember when I said that I have a 'passion for all things art?' If you know me from high school, you're probably extremely confused. It took awhile for me to realize this "passion". Let me explain...

Ever since about 1st grade, I wanted to be a doctor. At least, that's what I thought. I went through pretty much my entire schooling (so far) with the goal of becoming a doctor, preferably a surgeon. I pushed myself further than I ever could, and went through the teen years that I've experienced being so completely hard on myself that I thought that I couldn't be anything but perfect. Believe me, I made a TON of mistakes, all of which I blamed on being distracted. But, I look back at these distractions, and almost feel like I was subconsciously rebelling against myself. I was under my own sick spell where I convinced myself that I could attain perfection, and that what it took to be a doctor was going to make me happy. I was so far under this spell that I didn't even see the warning signs that could have helped me sooner.

So I graduate high school. I go to college and major in Biology with an emphasis in Physiology/Anatomy. Perfect for my future career, right? Nope. I take the general biology class required for my major (Please note that it's only a general biology class) and do awful. Luckily, my professor was amazing and helped me out a lot. In fact, he's become sort of a mentor to me. Because I may mention him later in this post, we'll call him Dr. ACU. Anyway, me doing poorly in a general biology class should have been a huge red flag that I'm studying the wrong area, but no, I come up with more excuses... "Oh, this is just a big transition for me" or "Well, it's biology, and I'm good at chemistry" or even "I just don't know how to study yet." All of these were things I said to myself because I didn't want to believe that biology wasn't right for me.

My second semester starts and I'm enrolled in chemistry. Let me just set up my original Monday night schedule for last semester: I went to school from 9:15 AM-6:45 PM, with classes full of science and math (A 3 hour chem lab after an already hard day of school? I think not). Over Christmas break, I had done a lot of growing, so I was already starting to believe that science wasn't right for me, but since we register for classes in October, I was stuck. A few weeks into the semester, I had already been having a rough day, and I went into my chem lab. I found out that I had done the wrong pre-lab. Awesome. I start doing the required pre-lab and it makes absolutely no sense! And then it hit me, and I quote, "I hate science, and science hates me" <--(I literally texted that to my best friend while sitting in class.) So my lab FINALLY ends, and I decide that I'm not going to my last class of the day because I'm just overwhelmed with so many emotions; disappointment, sadness, fear, and stress. I cried the entire 20 minute drive home from school that night.

I set up a meeting with Dr. ACU to talk about what to do because that's it, that night was the moment I decided I was done with science/biology/medicine/torture. I was free, but I was extremely sad. I mean, how could you not be sad after the dream you had for 13 years is all of a sudden not your dream anymore? I didn't have any back ups! Luckily, and sheesh what an angel Dr. ACU is, he made me better about the situation... Way better than I ever thought I could feel at that moment in time. Basically, I now had the chance to do anything my little heart desired! How exhilarating and awesome is that? All I had to do was find what interests me, and what makes me happy. So, I prayed about it a LOT, and I did some soul searching.

The entire time I was focused on science, I always loved plays, music, art, movies, writing, reading, etc. A lot of the time, my love for those things were pushed aside because of various reasons, and I never really paid attention to them like I wanted. Once I was free from the world I once lived in called medicine, I fell in love with the arts all over again. And, that was it. I was sold.

So here we are. I'm about to start my second year in college, and I'm working on changing my major. I'm not 100% sure what part of the arts I'm most interested in, but I'm going to focus on theatre and english. I'm going to get over my fears of participating in theatre (fears I've held onto since elementary school), and, even though some people may argue that it's too late, I'm going to go for my dream wholeheartedly because this dream is better suited for me. It doesn't require excuses, or the perfection that I know I can't become, and it'll allow me to express my creative mind. It's the dream that's been patiently waiting for me to get over the hype of the old one.

This is what I will do for the rest of my life. At least, I sure hope so...

A Little Bit About Me

I started this blog because I love to write. It's always been fun for me. Although I would absolutely love to have a following, I'm not expecting to get many readers, so this is just going to be my outlet, of sorts. Somewhere down the line, I hope my posts will help someone, but that's just wishful thinking.

So who am I other than Tayler with an 'e' instead of an 'o' in her name? I'm 18 years old, and I just finished my first year of college. I live with my parents, younger sister, and three kitties.

I am a proud Christian, and am madly in love with Jesus Christ, but I haven't always been that way. I will mention my religious beliefs periodically, as it has helped me through hard times and will continue to do so, but I will do it in an appropriate manner, and won't shove it down anyone's throat. Promise.

I have a passion for all things art; theatre, writing, music, visual art, etc. I just can't help but be happy when I'm reading a good book, watching/listening/talking/learning about a good musical, or writing about things that I enjoy talking about. With this, I'm still learning, but I'll come back to that in a later post.

I tend to go against the norm, and unique is not a word too far fetched from the kind of person I am. I constantly find new things about myself that I think, "Yep, that makes sense. It definitely adds to you wanting to be different, Tayler." And that's the thing, I embrace the difference. In fact, I love it.

I try to appreciate everything that I can, and focus on the little things in life. After all, to me, caring for someone is finding little ways to show that you're thinking about them and that you pay attention to theirs likes and desires. (I figured out that that is my 'love language').

I try to read people the best that I can, and lighten moods. People say that I'm funny, but I just think of it as me trying not to be too serious all the time. If I can get a laugh or two out of someone, I can't help but laugh with the person. This is not because I think I'm funny, but because I believe that laughter is contagious, and also because it's extremely satisfying knowing that you made someone happy just by being you... And that's something to smile and laugh about.

And that's another thing about me, I try to make people happy. My loved ones are very important to me, and I care about other peoples' feelings, whether I know them personally or not. But, it's not always a good thing. Sometimes I get too invested in someone, and end up forgetting about my own feelings in order to make the other person happy. I'm trying to find a happy medium, here, and in a lot of other areas in my life. Rarely is life just 'black and white.' Sometimes that's hard to remember.

Don't get me wrong, I have made PLENTY of mistakes in my life, and hurt others, but, I can guarantee you that I have those in my mind haunting me, and that in my process of maturing, I'm learning how to handle situations better, causing less pain to other people (minus the pain that is obviously out of my control and comes with life, of course).

I mean, hey, you live and you learn, and you're here to grow constantly, in one way or another, right? At least, that's what I think.

Well, I think that shall do for now. I will elaborate on a lot of these complex qualities of mine in future posts, and you will start to learn more about my personality as we go (including the quirky parts), but these are the ones that seemed most important to get a grasp of who I am, and who I will be as a writer. If anyone is reading this, I'm glad to have you aboard, and a part of my journey, and I hope you enjoy my blogs! :)

Tayler

P.S. I started this blog out of inspiration from my friend's sister. If you're looking for a great blog to read, I highly suggest this.