On July 30, 2012 I left the state of California. I had no idea what to expect, and I had [have] no idea how long I'd be gone.
But I did it. I moved... to Missouri.
And here I am, a year later, sitting in the room I've called home for the last year, doing everything humanly possible to put off packing (because packing is awful).
Because in a week I move again.. But this time, to a new home a bit deeper into Missouri.
The place I moved here to move to.
Before I type anything else, can I just praise how good our God is? This faithful, loving God, who I neglected more often than I care to admit this past year. This God who has already given me the most incredible life, and is continuing me on my journey to the next chapter of this life a week from today?
I've been really sentimental lately since I'm in the midst of a ton of "one-year anniversaries". So I looked at my journal from right around the time that I was packing to move here last year and it was filled with anxieties about not having enough time to get everything done, but it was also filled with some sweet, sweet moments with the Lord. And it was convicting, because though I still have "quiet times", those sweet moments seem to be few and far between.
I realized that this year I've lost a lot of my dependence on God. If I'm being honest, this has been one of the most difficult years of my life. I have seen some wonderful fruit come out of this move, but being so far away from home for the first time, and everything else that happened this year has left me feeling lonely, REALLY lonely.
So I did what most humans like me do, I shut down. I hid myself. And I ended up hiding myself from the One who I needed most.
I truly believe that moving here was an act that was well-thought out, and that there was nothing inside of me screaming DON'T DO THIS! But ever since I've arrived, it seems to be blow after blow, and I constantly find myself wondering when it's going to end? Or, when can I move to Columbia? Or, what would be different if I had stayed in California? These thoughts have consumed my brain and it's not fair. Because that's not depending on the Lord. That's not even THINKING about the Lord.
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13
These verses were sent to me the other night. At first I thought it was an odd timing to send me something like that, but the more I thought about that passage and the more I wrestled with the passage, the more I felt stirring in my heart.
This past year has not been for nothing. I've met some incredible people, lived in an unreal and awesome city, and have grown up in ways I can hardly fathom, but as I pack up my life in Kansas City, and move on to this new chapter filled with new friends, a new [35,000 student] school, and a new Starbucks (holla!), I'm looking to gain my dependence not on all of these things, or the sudden exciting-but-also-really-scary feeling of not being in a long-distance relationship anymore, but remembering to be content in the Lord. Remembering that He wants to be a part of all of this, and is eagerly pursuing me every second of every day.
But I did it. I moved... to Missouri.
And here I am, a year later, sitting in the room I've called home for the last year, doing everything humanly possible to put off packing (because packing is awful).
Because in a week I move again.. But this time, to a new home a bit deeper into Missouri.
The place I moved here to move to.
Before I type anything else, can I just praise how good our God is? This faithful, loving God, who I neglected more often than I care to admit this past year. This God who has already given me the most incredible life, and is continuing me on my journey to the next chapter of this life a week from today?
I've been really sentimental lately since I'm in the midst of a ton of "one-year anniversaries". So I looked at my journal from right around the time that I was packing to move here last year and it was filled with anxieties about not having enough time to get everything done, but it was also filled with some sweet, sweet moments with the Lord. And it was convicting, because though I still have "quiet times", those sweet moments seem to be few and far between.
I realized that this year I've lost a lot of my dependence on God. If I'm being honest, this has been one of the most difficult years of my life. I have seen some wonderful fruit come out of this move, but being so far away from home for the first time, and everything else that happened this year has left me feeling lonely, REALLY lonely.
So I did what most humans like me do, I shut down. I hid myself. And I ended up hiding myself from the One who I needed most.
I truly believe that moving here was an act that was well-thought out, and that there was nothing inside of me screaming DON'T DO THIS! But ever since I've arrived, it seems to be blow after blow, and I constantly find myself wondering when it's going to end? Or, when can I move to Columbia? Or, what would be different if I had stayed in California? These thoughts have consumed my brain and it's not fair. Because that's not depending on the Lord. That's not even THINKING about the Lord.
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13
These verses were sent to me the other night. At first I thought it was an odd timing to send me something like that, but the more I thought about that passage and the more I wrestled with the passage, the more I felt stirring in my heart.
This past year has not been for nothing. I've met some incredible people, lived in an unreal and awesome city, and have grown up in ways I can hardly fathom, but as I pack up my life in Kansas City, and move on to this new chapter filled with new friends, a new [35,000 student] school, and a new Starbucks (holla!), I'm looking to gain my dependence not on all of these things, or the sudden exciting-but-also-really-scary feeling of not being in a long-distance relationship anymore, but remembering to be content in the Lord. Remembering that He wants to be a part of all of this, and is eagerly pursuing me every second of every day.
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