Past Pain for Others=Future Pain for Me.

Apparently I'm a fan of blogging today.

This one goes out to people who have hurt others/have been hurt in the past

Okay, so the person I was in high school was absolutely AWFUL. I was a jealous girlfriend, selfish, had to be the center of attention, and the list goes on.

The problem with those things isn't that I embarrassed myself (which DID happen), it's that I hurt a lot of people throughout those four years.

After the huge transformation God made in my life, and my heart, I apologized to most of them, but one in particular that I never apologized to sticks out in my mind.

The reason why I bring this up, is because I stumbled across a conversation she had recently with two people including the guy I was dating when I did the awful, jealous-girlfriend, thing I did almost 3 years ago, and they were "slyly" making fun of me... AKA talking about "a certain someone" (me) and referring to some of the stupid things I did.

It kind of hurt. It brought up a lot of pains I felt, and a lot of pains that I still continue to feel because of my selfishness.

So to this person, (and the two she was talking to), even though they will never read this: I'm sorry. I wish I could explain the kind of pain I have felt because of the pain I put you through all those years ago. I know you probably feel like I deserve to be in this pain because of it, but I want you to know that I am not that person anymore. Thankfully, I'm able to be a non-jealous girlfriend now, and I work REALLY hard to be that way. When I was in high school I had some major trust issues and got really jealous for no reason, but I'm human, and we all make mistakes. I really do feel bad about it, but if talking about it almost 3 years later helps you with the pain I put you through, then please, honestly, do it. (no sarcasm, promise). I pray for you all the time, and hope that one day I will feel better, because I hope that you already feel better. I also pray that one day I will get the courage to face you and apologize to you, but for now, yeah, I'm unfortunately still a chicken.

And to anyone else who is reading this, I really encourage you to think about the person you are, and think about how your actions/struggles are affecting others around you. Maybe you have some struggles that are causing pain to people you truly care about (or cared about at one time). I encourage you to really lean on God, and ask Him forgiveness and to help you change your ways.

I wish I would have known all of this while I was in high school. Maybe then there wouldn't have been a conversation for me to accidentally see that brought back the pain I feel from the pain that I inflicted.