Greece Pt. 2-Surrendering to God

Ever since I became a Christian, I knew that I wanted to have an active faith. It didn't necessarily kick in right away, but deep down I knew that I never wanted to be "lukewarm" in my faith. I read the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, about a year after I accepted Christ and it motivated me to live the active faith I had always known I wanted to have. Unfortunately, having an active faith isn't easy at all, and sometimes I get so caught up in my daily schedules that I push it to the side.

Even from the plane ride to Chicago, it became apparent to me just how much I had neglected Jesus in the months prior to project and I wasn't okay with that. I wanted to make sure I reconnected with the Lord and started making Him my priority. It slowly was becoming clear just how much I needed to surrender to God every single morning when I woke up, and live by the Spirit in everything I did that summer, and once I got home as well.

This was a discipline I prayed earnestly to have. I wanted to follow God. I wanted Him to strip me of my idols and my desire to do everything on my own. I wanted to trust in Him, and rely solely on Him and His promises.

...Even if it meant that the man I thought I was going to marry, was suddenly not that any more. That God currently has two completely different paths for us, and though it changed nothing about the way we felt for one another, we couldn't stay together because we'd be holding each other back from our real God-given hopes and desires.

...Even if it meant that a week and a half after returning back to America, I would make the decision to pack up and move half-way across the country to follow God. To grow with Him in a less-comfortable environment, with little to no familiarity. To leave the great life I have here, trusting that something equally as great is waiting for me in Missouri.

...Even if it meant that I was going to have to rely on God for absolutely everything in my life. That my "daily bread" would only be provided by Him. That He'd be paving a way for a job in Missouri. That He was going to show up in His timing and not my own financially.

Surrendering to God has been so incredibly difficult and has caused a roller coaster of emotions over the last 8 (or so) weeks. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel during huge changes that don't leave a warm fuzzy feeling right away. But this is the life that God called me to live, and He never promised it would be easy. He did promise to love me and never forsake me, which means that something great will come out of all of this. It may not be what I would have planned/wanted, but God is so much bigger and will give me exactly what I need.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 -Jeremiah 29:11

crazy decision of the year award goes to...

ME.

As of a few hours ago, I made the decision to move to Kansas City, Missouri.
Yes, you did read that correctly.. Kansas City, Missouri.

Here's how it happened...

While in Greece I decided that I was interested in moving to Missouri one day and going to Mizzou. Why Mizzou? I mean, once I get my associate's this year I'll be free to go anywhere. Honestly, my reasons are good reasons to go to ANY school: 1. I want a real college experience. 2. I want to get involved with a CRU.. The only thing is that I have friends at Mizzou (and a lot more near there). When we were in Greece, we had a message on "calling." God calls us to follow Him, love others, etc. As far as I know, as long as I'm following God and glorifying His kingdom, He doesn't care where I'm going or what I'm doing. With that being said, the better question is why NOT, Mizzou? (My KU friends have answers to that but that's neither here nor there :) )

So I'm contemplating Mizzou, but don't want to pay out-of-state tuition, so I figure I can move there, live for a year, get residency, then go to school. I figured this would happen probably this time next year.

Well, I get home from Greece and notice a friend in Kansas City needs a roommate. In my head I'm thinking how awesome it would be to move there and be that roommate but there's no way in heck that it would work out! NO. WAY.

I bring it up to a few people (as a joke), and all of a sudden they're being super encouraging of the idea and making me feel like less of a crazy person and more like this is an actual opportunity for me.

I mean, what do I have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is I hate it and move back (I've been told that it's impossible to hate Missouri so apparently I'm good).

So I start praying. And talking to more people. And praying some more. Then some more. And then some more.

And doors start opening up. And people are being REALLY supportive.

Like, is this really happening? Am I really about to move halfway across the country?

I'm walking with the Lord, and I don't see Him shutting any doors so maybe I should take this step of faith and trust that it's going to work out.

So yes, this is happening.

I am so scared/overwhelmed to do this, but so excited to start this new journey! I know it's going to be really tough to pull all of this off in such a short amount of time and to start a new life in a new place outside of California, but I have to believe that God is bigger than all of this and that He's going to take care of me.

So if you're reading this and you would like to pray for me, PLEASE DO! I'm going to need all of the prayers I can get.

1. Finances! I have a good amount of money to get in a short amount of time. Please pray that they come in.

2. Job! I'm going to need a job almost immediately after I move. Please pray that I can start searching before I leave, and that God will be paving a way for me to get a job asap.

3. Doubt! It's going to be a hard few weeks before I leave and I don't want to be consumed with any doubt. It's easy to believe that something won't work out when it's this huge and it requires this much faith. Please pray that I'll continue to trust in God and know that if I'm supposed to be there, I'll be there!

4. Life here in Fresno. I have a really great life here in Fresno and I'm going to miss everyone so much. That being said, I'm not leaving, I'm following God.

And anything else you see fit to pray for! I'm so thankful that I have this opportunity and so blessed that God is showing His love through all of the support I'm already receiving in words, prayer, and help!

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Greece pt. 1-Control

I'm commonly asked what the most important thing that I learned in Greece was. That's an extremely hard question for me to answer because I learned SO STINKIN MUCH! I went into the trip knowing God was going to rock my world and change me, but I had no idea what the extent of that would be.

One very common theme during my trip, though, would have to be control! Ahhh. Almost every single thing that God showed me this summer had some kind of underlying control issue within it.

What I learned about control in Greece:

1. I idolize relationships. I realized this in multiple relationships and multiple ways. In one way, I care too much about how certain people will react to things or I let the things they say get to me. In another way, I get too consumed with the relationships and rely on myself to make them go a certain way.

Either way, I'm putting the relationships above God, and at some points I'm trying to be God myself. That's alarming. I can't control how people react to me. I can't control how people feel about me. I can't control/change peoples' hearts or minds. I CAN'T CONTROL PEOPLE.

2. I want my life to go the way I want it to go. I remember when I was really sick, I felt so incredibly hopeless. I just kept thinking, "There's nothing I can do right now." That was really, really hard for me. I didn't like that I couldn't become healthy on my own. I didn't like that I wasn't able to eat most foods (at some points no food at all). Like I said in a previous post, I had some really great God time during that week of hell, because I was learning that I had to truly trust in Him and give Him control over everything... including my sickness.

3. Life is so much better when I give it over to God. After becoming a Christian I always knew I wanted the passionate, spontaneous, surrendering relationship with God but up until Greece I had taken most of the control back into my own hands (obviously not completely because I definitely didn't get to Greece on my own). While I was in Greece I was quickly reminded how much more satisfying life is when I give it over to the Lord. Lots of things have changed/are changing in my life right now, but by walking with the Lord and surrendering to Him every single day I have no reason to fear... for He is with me.

I am home!

So I got home from Greece and back into Clovis early Saturday morning (1 am) and have been suffering from jet-lag the last 2 nights (which is why I'm awake at 4 am)

I realized that I haven't blogged since the beginning of June and that was when I was still sick. That was a horrible week. Thankfully I received a lot of encouragement from my team and from my God. It was a battle that had already been won by God (common theme of the trip actually) and I just had to get through it. 

The trip was absolutely life-changing. I learned an unreal amount of things about myself, my relationships with people, God, missions, etc. There are so many different things that I really want to blog about in regards to my trip so I've decided that I will split it up. 

Not sure how it's going to be broken up right now. I'm extremely jumbled in my mind and just tried to type about re-entry for an hour and got no where.

Hopefully I can come up with things to say soon