Better Fit?

I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately.. About school.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I just don't fit in at a normal college. I don't do anything that a normal college student does. In fact, I never have. When I think about transferring to schools that I used to think about transferring to (UCLA), I get really nervous because I just can't see myself enjoying it.

So this made me think, okay, well I'll just go to a private Christian college.

That would be AMAZING. I would love to focus on biblical studies. Maybe not major in it, but minor, if I can, or at least take the classes the school requires. At this point, I want my education to correspond with my religious beliefs.

I start thinking about schools... Fresno Pacific was my first choice because, well, it's in Fresno, and it would be the easy route. A few problems though, including the fact that it's the EASY choice, and it just doesn't seem to fit with me.

Where else? APU, Point Loma, Cal Baptist, Biola...

Biola.

Might as well be called "Perfect for Tayler University"

Seriously, though.

1. The doctrine better fits me.

2. They take transfers with ANY amount of units. (I have 23)

3. Bib studies is a required minor

4. Chapel 3 times a week (minimum)

5. Conservative

6. Great financial aid

7. Contract requiring NO use of alcohol or drugs.

8. Great missionary programs.

9. Heck, great programs in general!

10. Evangelism is important

11. All of the classes use Christianity and/or Christian authors for text.

The list goes on..

I mean, I get excited just thinking about it! Obviously, I'm going to pray, and make sure it's a step in the right direction, but I'm thinking that after I go talk to a Fresno State advisor I'll do the "early action" application deadline for Fall '11. I'll find out in January if they've accepted me, and I'll go from there! I'll probably have to take the Spring '11 semester off, but I'll do summer school to catch up.

I know I make a lot of "plans" and don't follow through, but I'm 100% serious about this.

I really have a good feeling about this one.

"I Will Give You Rest"

I'm stuck at a standstill.

I don't know where to go from here.

Life is good, right? Not so sure.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I do, however, know that God is faithful.

He'll take me in the right direction if I let him.

Matthew 11:28

Stumbled Upon..

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever"

-Winnie the Pooh

Disney is phenomenal.

God Knows What He's Doing.

Man, it's been awhile since I've blogged.

I've been quiet, and weird lately.

Things have been happening that I've had trouble comprehending. Well, at least it's been a very slow process. Let me catch you up on the heart of my weirdness...

I am enrolled at Fresno State, and school is my forte. Seriously. I actually enjoy school, and all summer I've said "Can school just start already!!" because I just can't wait! It doesn't hurt that I can't wait to start studying theatre and english.

Finally, school starts on Monday! I'm not too excited now. In fact, thinking about it causes a lump in my throat.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the lump is because I'm not going.

I can't afford school unless I'm offered financial aid, or at the very least, the option of a loan.

See, a little over a year ago my dad lost his construction company due to this wonderful (sarcasm) economy. I have constant problems with FAFSA because, for some reason unknown to me, the financial aid people see no problem with my family's income. In one small year, we lost a company, a house, two cars, all insurance, financial security, our yearly vacations to Cayucos, and a lot of domestic happiness. I obviously can't afford school if we barely make it by the skin of our teeth.

At the very least, I'm usually offered a loan, then in September, I go back in, show my dad's unemployment stub, and they offer me financial aid (even though I already paid for tuition with a loan).

Tuition was due on July 31st, and I didn't hear from financial aid in time. I knew it was coming but when I received a letter and an email confirming my disenrollment just a few days later, I felt sick.

That night, at a small growth group for church, I learned that I had the spiritual gift of faith. It may have been a silly questionnaire that put it out there, but having school, the one thing I've always relied on, taken right from under me, confirmed it.

But why do I have so much faith in my God?

I prayed, and thought a lot about it, and saw that this semester is going to be a huge time of growth. I said it right from the beginning, that I don't know what is going to happen, but all I know is that something huge, EPIC even, will happen to me and God doesn't want me to be so invested in school that I miss it.

God knows what He's doing.

What am I going to be up to for the next four months?

1. Read, and learn more about God, which will in turn cause me to learn about myself.

2. Work, work, work, and save up to go back to school. Financial aid isn't reliable, so it'd be nice to help.

3. Decide if State is really worth it at the moment. (Possible transfer to Willow/City in the near future!)

4. Help out with youth group. This has been on my heart for a little over a month now, and, after talking to Stephen (youth pastor) and my managers, it's been worked out so I can start helping! I'm going to be brought outside of my comfort level, and it's exactly what I want. I'm so incredibly excited!

I've already learned that school shouldn't be the most important thing to me. It's NOT a constant. The only constant in my life is God, and He will never be a variable (Math nerd :P). Maybe I just like school because that's where I'm comfortable? I'm learning that I learn and grow the most when I'm outside of my element.

Funny how that happens, huh? It's a God thing. He knows what He's doing.