Awake my soul, oh Lord.

I have always found purpose in responsibility. Not just one responsibility, but being up to my neck in responsibilities. I feel like I find comfort in that, and from being known. I don't even like new places because I get so uneasy about looking like I have no idea what I'm doing. Even from the moment I became a Christian I threw myself into the church for responsibility and being "known". I really think I was deep-down finding my identity in those things.

You know that moment when you become an adult and you really find out who you are and you are comfortable with it? I don't think I have honestly ever had that, and today I realized that is why I'm here.. Or at least, that's the beginning of why I'm here.

Today was a beautiful [traces of fall] day so I decided to walk to my fav. coffee shop to steal Internet instead of driving there. On my way home I was all of a sudden overcome with emotion because I realized I have never known myself more than I did in that moment. I have never been so aware of me, of God, of the beauty that is this day, and just how much I love where I am/what God has done in my life. I immediately broke down in tears and praise because it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't help but be in awe of what a great God I serve!

I realized that this time, this place, and some of these people are exactly what I have been needing to finally come into my own.

In Missouri I am virtually a nobody-I have little responsibility, it's highly unlikely for me to see someone I know on the street, and I don't have a name to live up to.

All I truly have is God, and He is helping me figure out how to be an adult, how to spend time/worship Him, how to be honest and accountable, and how to be 100% myself and not the person who accommodates to others.

Yes, I am almost 21 years old, and yes I do think God brought me all the way to Missouri (after beginning this all in Greece, by the way) to awake my soul and awake those passions and desires in me that He created me to have and use for His glory.

Clovis will always be near and dear to my heart. And who knows, I may end up there one day. I built a testimony there, made never ending friendships there (that's right, I do believe in long-distance so you're not losing me), and I learned a lot of really great things, but I think it's time to embrace being a nobody and let God mold me into the adult that follows Him everywhere, anywhere, and to anyone HE wants.

sometimes i really miss greece

...a lot.

Thank GOD that I get to see 6 of these beautiful folks in 6 days :)