Love this song. Love them.

Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life.

It's funny how little things can be really hurtful. Small things can make you feel unappreciated, unworthy, overlooked, guilty, embarrassed, sad, and even angry at times. They can change relationships with people, and make you re-evaluate certain motives.

As miserable as those emotions can make you feel, they mean nothing compared to love you receive from God.

So I know that no matter how I'm feeling right now, God loves me no matter what. His grace is the most amazing and consistent gift any human can receive. I'm humbled by his unconditional love towards me, the messed-up being that I am.

Life's busy, but good! Stressful and tiring, but I'm finding strength and comfort in my God :)

Walls

I don't really like walls, but I'm learning that they're needed... In certain cases.

I set a goal a few months ago to be less "transparent" and I don't know if I've really been successful with that, especially because of circumstances that pretty much immediately followed that. But because of those exact circumstances, I am devoting myself to getting back on track to being less transparent, and the new addition: WALLS

I've never been good at putting them up, but here's to trying.

Flashback!

I just found this picture...

I can't believe how little we both used to be!!

Worship

I don't know about you, but when I think of worship I think of the songs we sing before and after the message at church. I mean, the group in charge of that is called the worship team, right?

At least, that's what I used to think. Don't get me wrong that is worship, but that isn't it's limit. In fact, there really aren't limits to worship.

I've come to realize that worship can be pretty much anything, as long as it's used to bring praise and glory to God. We all have our own ways of worship. Lately it's been running for me. I try to go on runs as often as possible (which is hard because I'm usually exhausted by the time I've finished the day). When I do get to go on a run though, I grab my ipod and listen to Tim Hughes. He has an amazing worship album, that I'll admit singing to while I run. (Luckily no one's around so they don't lose their hearing). But running is a time of worship for me because I get to really spend some quality time with God, praying and singing to Him, while trying not to focus on the worldy things my mind usually goes to. I just think about Him, the ways He's working in my life, and what He might be trying to get through to me.

Believe me, I'm not an athlete, so running doesn't come easy (or fun) to me, but it's gotten to the point where I'll be at work and say to a coworker, "I just really want to go on a run right now" because I actually look forward to it.

It's a great recharger after long days/weeks.

So if you're reading this, I urge you to think of a time you use as worship (or something you can turn into worship even), because this has really turned into something beneficial in my relationship with Christ and I think we can always use some more Jesus :) I'm also really interested in hearing what people do so maybe you can tell me sometime!


Sidenote: I also want to share that I've been hoping to run into some sprinklers since I started the path I currently run, and last night I got to run through THREE sets of sprinklers!!

It. Was. Awesome.

Utah

I got back from Utah on Monday! It was such an amazing trip! Met so many awesome people, learned a lot, and really gained some insight on the future. Unfortunately, I didn't journal every night like I had originally planned, but here's some excerpts from the few nights I did journal...

April 18:

"I'M IN UTAH!! This is unbelievable. I am filled with so many emotions right now. All I know is, it's been a great day."

"We didn't even get out there today, but just from hearing the stories/conversations and just being in this place, I feel so much God! I can't get enough. I know that I am so extremely nervous to talk to people, but my nerves are completely covered up by excitement and happiness to see what God is doing in this place. I think I might want to be a part of that."

April 19:

"Today was mostly spent at Temple Square. It was awesome! I loved having multiple missionaries willing to talk and tour with us."

"Stephen did most of the talking... Scratch that, Stephen did all of the talking. I HAD MY FIRST FAIL THOUGH! I'm looking at failures with a positive mindset because I've really been trying to focus on that struggle lately. Anyway, one of the things I feel somewhat okay discussing is the Mormon idea of eternal families/marriages. Well, one of our tours just happened to take us through a presentation on those very subjects. Stephen gave me the PERFECT set up for a discussion and I completely rejected it! I know I went into today not really wanting to talk, but how could I pass up that opportunity?! I'm such a lame-o sometimes :)"

"So basically today was another great day! One of my favorite things about being here is that almost everything done revolves around Christ.. Especially the conversations! It's all about getting people to come to Him, and constant opportunities that arise out of nowhere! This isn't something I'm used to, and I LOVE IT!"

April 20:

"Today was yet another amazing day in good ole' Utah and I'm falling more and more in love with this place every minute."

"Stephen and I made a second trip to Temple Square today. We got tours of both the Conference Center (which, by the way, is HUGE), and the Beehive house. Stephen again did the conversing, but I didn't feel like a failure. I know it's weird since I didn't talk, but I feel like progress is being made. I'm mentalling preparing myself better with every conversation, and I even had my own conversation with Pat (Conference Center tour guide) in my head while Stephen talked to him and I was able to keep up and remember a few verses!"

"Temple Square is all-around beautiful, and I caught myself not wanting to leave. I have the desire to talk to people.. I just have to take that leap!"

April 24:

"Happy Easter! Today was such a great day, and all of the preparation The Bridge has been doing seemed like it paid off! I was helping out/having fun in the nursery (which is weird, because kids usually make me uncomfortable) so I didn't actually get to see the service but I heard such great things about it! I was lucky enough to get to see the baptism videos, and it was so encouraging to see these 5 different people, all with amazing and different backgrounds, share their testimonies as they took that public confession of faith.

My favorite part had to be after service, though. This was a REALLY big moment for me to witness... While passing out door hangers on Friday night, Stephen, Loren, and I were walking back to the Pankratz' house. We happened to come across an older man named Davy Crockett Numbers who was doing yardwork. (CUTEST old man with an awesome hat, and high-top Chuck Taylors!) He began talking to us, and what started as small talk led to an invite to today's service. He told us how he grew up Mormon, even went on a mission, but then became inactive. He said that he had been to plenty of different churches, and that he was open-minded... It was his wife that was "stuck in her ways." He seemed pretty interested, but of course, you can't get too hopeful. Well, after today's service I was talking to Sheila, a woman who had gotten baptized, and guess who I see walking out of the room with Loren? DAVY CROCKETT NUMBERS!! I was SO EXCITED! I couldn't believe he had come! He joined in mine and Sheila's conversation, and told me about his wife sitting in the truck in the parking lot and how she kept calling him so he turned his phone off to stop the disruptions.. Then he proceeded to tell me about the jewelry he makes, and pulled some out of his jacket which caused me to wonder if he was actually just making jewelry during the service. He quickly put that judgement (I'll admit, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions) to shame when he told me that he brought it to work on but "Loren's sermon was just too interesting!" HOW AMAZING WAS THAT?! He told me that he'd be coming back, and was even considering baptism in the future.

I can't even explain how much joy that brought to my heart. I'm praying for him and his *hopefully* newfound desire for Christ.. I'm also praying for his wife. I really hope her heart will be softened and she will at least give it a chance"

"Even though I miss people at home, I'm REALLY sad to be leaving this place. It's just so amazing! The opportunities for ministry continue to blow my mind, and from my short time here, I've really grown a huge heart for Utah, and all of the people here."

"Today was such a great day. I couldn't think of any other way to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus! Thank you for the cross!"

Of course there were plenty of other things from the week that I didn't get to journal about, and so many fun things we did, but I've already made this blog post SUPER long! I think I made it really obvious how much I loved the trip, and how life-changing (ahhh.. dramatic me :)) it was, so I'm just going to end with a cumulative list of some things I learned over the week, and some pictures!!


What I learned in Utah: (Taken from journal writings)
-The need to speak up
-Mormons LOVE Stephen (neither of us can figure out why)
-Eli and Asher are by far the cutest kids I've ever met
-GOD IS TOO GOOD!
-All I want to do is study
-Having a strong testimony is really beneficial in conversations
-How to play Bocce Ball, Farkle, and Build a Heresy (All of which have become fav. games)
-How I operate, as far as being put in new situations
-I'm starting to feel comfortable with kids (Or maybe just kids in Utah)
-Why Utah's obsessed with beehives!
-GOD MOVES IN AMAZING WAYS!!
-A VERY deep love for the broken and the lost in Utah
-Trust

Snowy mountains in California on the way!

He apparently didn't enjoy me taking his picture, but this picture looks like he was posing so I think it was just an act :)

First sight of Utah mountains!!

Stephen calls this "Jesus of the Universe," which looks accurate, but the technical name is Christus. Fun fact: Not a single verse in the presentation is from the Book of Mormon.

The Temple. SO BEAUTIFUL!! Too bad they wouldn't let us in ;)

These were on the cross walks.. I don't know, I thought they were kind of cute :)

This is the Conference Center. I wish this picture could do it justice! So big!

Another view of the Temple from the roof of the Conference Center.

Taking a break from moving AWESOME set pieces!

Southern-ish Utah on the way home

This picture just makes me giggle. Scary stick bugs :)


Wanna hear even better blogs about the trip?! Go to Stephen's blog, here

Thankful Thursday

It's my week to join the fab. Call me a follower, whatevs :) I just find it extremely necessary after the emotional few weeks I've been having

Things I am exceptionally thankful for this week..

1. Weakness. I have an ongoing struggle with accepting weakness/failure/embarrassment, etc. and while studying for Utah it's really been showing. Though I could just quit, I won't. God finds strength in weakness, and I just have to get over the fear and be more faithful.

2. Struggle.

3. My LDS missionaries. Okay, I don't mean to claim ownership over them.. I just say "my" because it makes it easier to distinguish between them and other missionaries. I have so much love for these guys, and they're such genuine people. We had lunch today, which turned into 4 hours of talking about life, Utah, TV shows, In-N-Out vs. Five Guys, iPhone apps, and of course religious differences. What started out as a teacher/student type relationship has easily turned into a friendship that I hope can continue. Talking with them is just easy. They listen to what I have to say, and I listen to what they have to say. They're respectful in their conversations, and I really pray they come to the true Christ.

4. My sister. I can't even believe how grown up she's getting. It honestly scares me, in some ways. I think about where I was my second half of high school, and that she'll be a junior next year and I know she's going to be a lot smarter than I was. We've grown extremely close over the last few months and I'm really excited to see where God takes her now that she's letting Him take over :)

5. My job

6. My best friend, Kasey Maxwell. (No, I'm not doing this because she did it for me last week. Haha) She is honestly one of the most kind-hearted people I know. She is always genuinely happy to see me/talk to me/listen to me, and I think that's rare in people. I miss her lots, and I'm glad I was able to get some Kasey-Tayler time last weekend. We're still the same person... Scary :)

7. Not everything going my way

8. The gift of grace. Studying the Mormon religion has really helped me learn a lot about myself, my relationship with God, and Christianity. I see how unconditionally loving God is, and the grace He gives to us at the cost of the cross. He's given me the most amazing gift imaginable. Why wouldn't I be willing to give up everything in order to gain HIM?

9. Learning to love the right way. I've really been reflecting over 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 lately, and though it is a widely-used, almost overrated few verses in some sense, it's really underrated in others!! It truly is the definition of love, and should serve as an outline of the way we should love.

10. Being able to focus in on goals, and seeing parts of them as realistic.