You Are My Everything

This is hard to do, because I don't particularly enjoy showing my emotions, and/or being vulnerable, but praise is deserved where praise is due...


Everyday is painful. Everyday I go through situations in my mind. Everyday I question, and there is almost never a time where I'm not thinking about it.

Last night I realized how much worse I would feel without Jesus. He doesn't completely take me off the hook, but He's there, and keeping me realistically optimistic (Oxymoron.. It happens). He keeps me from going over the deep end, and getting so wrapped up in this, that I obsess over it to the point where it's my life.

HE is my life, and He keeps me aware of it. When I am fully able to have both, He will give it to me.
Mark my words.


"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-C.S. Lewis


"With all creation, I sing
You are the Kings of Kings
You are my everything,
and I will adore You"

This Too Shall Pass.

...and I know that. I wish you'd put your faith in God because then you'd know that too. I'm not supposed to be the strong one that keeps everyone from falling apart, and I'm not going to feel sorry for leaving anymore.

I can't, and I won't.

God's Never Late...

..Nor is He early

Sometimes I think we, as Christ followers, often forget that. I know that I am a prime example.

If I don't have complete trust in Christ with my present/future, me going to Biola could seem like a sabotage, of sorts, for certain situations in my life. Because I know that Biola is the next step, I know that other steps in my life that I might selfishly want now, won't begin until God says it's time. It doesn't matter what I want, because this isn't my life.

It's funny, because for a few days I've been thinking about this, but it wasn't until Tuesday night at Jr. High group, that I was able to breathe and not think of Biola as a compromise for other parts of my life... I started to feel bad or like a letdown for leaving, but while preparing for the lesson, I realized that I don't need to feel like a burden because I'm not... God carries that burden for me, and knows when to put situations/people into my life, at EXACTLY the right time. I'll never be able to know the right time for things on my own, so why obsess over them?

I know that at Jr. High group I'm supposed to be a teacher, but I end up learning so much.. The right lesson always comes at the right time.

Definitely not a coincidence :)

A Day of Beauty, Peace, Friends, and God

I'm not sure that I've ever been so excited to share a day I've had, or the feelings I felt. There were two main events from yesterday that I would love nothing more than to blog about..

Yesterday morning, while greeting fellow church goers, I felt the voice of God. Not too long ago, I read a blog about an assignment given to this guy where he had to go sit somewhere quiet for a few hours and just listen to God.. I was intrigued, and kind of confused. How is it possible to get your mind off of the world long enough to just listen to God? What do I need to do to experience that? Such questions like that shouldn't need to be asked, but because I'm such a stressful person, and my mind is always wandering, I can almost never keep my mind off of life for very long. Anyway, I had an area where not many people park at church, and was alone for the majority of the 20 minutes I was out there. All of a sudden, I just felt peaceful and so connected to the Lord. I'm not ashamed to admit that I felt the breeze flowing through the trees was a helpful reminder that He truly was right there with me. I just remember thinking not only how beautiful it was to be having a one-on-one with God before I even went into church to worship and praise him for an hour and fifteen minutes, but how beautiful the world He made truly was. I prayed, and soaked it all in, and left my one-on-one genuinely moved by the holy spirit in that small time I had in between arrivals.

Last night, instead of the usual college group message, we switched it up and had a bonfire at the beautiful house owned by the Randalls. Well, the house's beauty is indescribable (I was literally taken aback at how wonderful it was, and how honored I was to be able to just be a guest in it), which was the perfect scene. It started out as a night of smore's, hot chocolate, tours of the house, and laughter about "ambers," but once we settled down Jordan grabbed his guitar and we started to worship. Let me tell you, there is no better worship, in my opinion, than worship at a bonfire. There was no shame as we sang some of my personal favorite worship songs. I felt so connected to the people around me and it was so wonderful to share this moment with them. After worship, Mark Randall brought down his guitar and we had a little "jam session" consisting of songs from The Cure, The Beatles, Colbie Caillat, and others. I sat in my chair, buried under a blanket, and just looked around in awe at how blessed I am, and thought "I could do this everyday for the rest of my life." I thought about my day, and how peaceful it had been. I thanked the Lord, and continued to listen to my FRIENDS singing and playing guitars.

These people I spend every Sunday evening with aren't just my "church friends," they're more than that. As Ryan Royer said last night, it was a BOND fire, and I look forward to seeing each and every one of them weekly. Sunday's truly are my favorite day of the week

As I finish this blog, I'm wandering back to the three feelings I felt yesterday...


Peaceful. Beautiful. Blessed.

This Blog Brought To You From...

My new room!

So how's life been?
Pretty fan-flippin-tastic, if I do say so myself.


1. My house!
I've been here since Friday, and although I call my room 'the prison cell,' I really like it. It's nice and cozy, and I can't wait to make it even cozier as I begin to bring more stuff over :) Speaking of that, I still have far too much to bring over. Luckily, we have the doll house for another 12 days, and I have 5 days off this week (yeah, I know, weird, but I think that's God's way of giving me some time to actually move for an entire day). It's an awesome house, complete with a park around the corner from my house WITH SWINGS!! Plus, I like being able to leave for church 5 minutes before it starts and still being on time :P

2. Me time!
It's baaaccckkkk! After work on Wednesday, I went to Panera and read Matthew while eating delicious food. "Me time" keeps me from going insane... SERIOUSLY.

3. Biola!!!
I'm living on a very small budget until I leave, but I know it'll be worth it. I'm known for using exact change whenever I can, but I have gotten rid of that habit in order to save every bit of change I get to put in my "Biola fund" (also known as my kitty bank). I get paid on Friday, and once I get my paycheck, I'm sending off my deposits for housing and tuition! Eeeek! So exciting :)


Remember the blog about letting go? So far so good. I mean, I've taken about 5 steps forward, and 2 steps back, but it's growth and that's what matters :)


So my week is going to be insane: Work, [more] moving, Jr. High group, Beauty and the Beast (maybe?), SLO to see Mae!!, [more and more] moving, unpacking, decorating my room, a wee bit more of working, and then hopefully by Sunday, I can treat it as the Sabbath, keeping it holy by resting :)

--->My only apprehension is money, though. Can I really afford to see Beauty and the Beast and Mae on the week that I'm supposed to send $550 to Biola?? Hmmm... Only a few more days to decide!



Okay, now I'm off to college group to see my studly friends after their not-so-studly dodgeball performance today. Just kidding! They were my favorite to watch... even if Jordan was only wearing little baby shorts. *gags* :P

:):):):):):):D:):):):)

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO BIOLA!!!!!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
I'm in?!?!!?!

I can't believe it.

My response to everyone has had the word (if it's even a word) "eeeeeekkkkkkkk!!"
...And the number of each letter differs on the person.

I've been accepted for the Spring '11 semester which means I will move down to LA the end of January and begin classes January 31st.


Holy moly, it's happening

Take No More.

"Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
I'd give it all away just to get you back

And fake it, fake it all
Take what I can get

And I can slow it out
Can you hear me yet"


Today, I decided to pull away from something that means an awful lot to me.
I have put too much effort in to something which has not glorified the Lord in the least, and ultimately has been a big waste of time.
Distance is the best thing at this point.

I know this is vague, but these details are better left unsaid.

Thank you God for gracing me with the strength to be content with this decision when I thought that I'd for sure be miserable.

Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"




*Thank yous also go to Cori and Abby for helping me realize that this is the best option. I love you two, and am so blessed to have your support